Fat Gold Watch

My new year

2012-01-11T13:23:00.001-05:00

Speak in a meaningful and thoughtful way.

Instagram

2011-12-27T13:39:00.000-05:00

My new Instagram obsession lead me to capture this Christmas 70's style.

Mellow Christmas Eve

2011-12-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

Maybe it is because I have a five-year-old, and I don't have to prevent him from choking on legos and candy, but this Christmas was one of the most mellow in history and the most fun. Long live fine motor skills and self-preservation!

What my house will sound like

2011-12-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

What happens with the boy falls asleep on the way home from Grandma's house?

2011-12-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

Mommy has to put out the reindeer food and Santa cookies on her own. Daddy took pictures for proof.

Much better than a wrapped box

2011-12-27T13:13:00.000-05:00

What doesn't fit under a tree and is the ultimate present for me?

A trip to Charleston with my man. For two years now, we have forgone the robotic vacuums and perfunctory power tools and opted for something far more satisfying- a two day quickie trip to Charleston SC. We stay on East Bay Street, park the car and enjoy two days of shopping, eating, and loafing. For two adults with four jobs and one five-year-old between them this trip is the ultimate present.

High Lights

Pizza and beer from South End Brewery

Ruben from Mac's Pub and Grill

Hot pralines

The Savannah Honey Co

Urban Outfitters

Charleston Library (still uses a card catalogue and proud of it)

Ancient Man Cave

2011-12-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

The ancient Greeks did it, and the African tribes still do. There is no reason that I cannot join the ranks of these wise cultures and send my husband packing to his own space. Many cultures believed that husbands and wives got along much better when they were regulated to separate spaces. While these men often had multiple wives to house, I see no reason that it cannot be adapted to our current living situation.

My husband came to the conclusion that the garage might make a better leisure time area for him after enduring my secession of Wii Zumba. Needless to say, when I play Zumba, I look like a monkey who is being electrocuted. It would drive anyone to new living quarters, and frankly, I much rather have a happy husband in a safe man space than an angry husband in my space. Long live the man cave!

Please stop asking when I am going to have another baby

2011-12-03T09:34:00.001-05:00

I would really like to have another baby. I love being a mother, my son wants a sibling, and I always intended to have two children. To make matters worse, even though I only breast fed my son for 18 months, every once and awhile, I spontaneously lactate. If that does not remind you of how badly you want a baby, nothing will. But here are the facts, my husband does not want anymore children, we do not have enough money to maintain our current life style and add a family member, my husband's career is in flux, and my career is flying high. Finally, we have no viable options for child care. I can want a baby with all my heart, but I am also a responsible person.

It is unfair to bring a baby into an environment where it's basic needs cannot be fulfilled. The bottom line is that I would have trouble finding time to care for it's needs, and my husband would have a hard time caring about it, not an ideal situation to bring a person into.

Over the last year, I have worked hard to make peace with a situation I cannot change. Seven of my friends became pregnant last year. I went to seven showers, and each time I would stand next to one, I was peppered with questions about when I would have another child. I really wish strangers/co-workers/acquaintances would just assume that my uterus turned black fell out. It would be much less painful. However, after a ton of practice and some will power, I have learned to bare these comments. I have even started enjoying my friend's babies and their new pregnancies. Some are now on round two of baby making. For as much progress as I have made appreciating my wonderful reality and letting go of my family planning wishes, I had a major set back yesterday. This story on NPR had me in tears.

My Son at 12 months

I know the life I have is wonderful. I know that I am happy, but I just don't think I will be able to let my need for another child go until my uterus actually does fall out. The trick is not allowing this defeat to ruin the wonderful life I have. I am great a solutions, compromises, and all manner of analysis and none if it helps in this situation.

Our Year in Review

2011-11-28T19:04:00.001-05:00

Four Power by Melissa Warren | Make Your Own Book

Brady's new Kindergarten Skills

2011-10-02T10:57:00.001-04:00

Farm Time

2011-10-02T07:43:00.000-04:00

We had another great agricultural experience at Indigo Farms in Calabash. We learned how to make grits and indigo dye. We went on a hay ride and bought some wonderful fresh veggies. Fall is here!!

Soccer Action

2011-09-26T19:13:00.000-04:00

Summer of Fun

2011-08-04T17:26:00.000-04:00

Ah, the old cliche of the starving artist seems to be painfully true for me. When I am happy, I do not write, I do not read, I go, go, go. And that is precisely what I have been doing. We have been to the beach and pool more times than I can count. We have been to museums, festivals, parks, and farmer's market. Each day is a new adventure, and today I applied for my first passport. Below are pictures from our weekend trip to the Durham Science Center. Best $40 I have ever spent. We spent five hours there and still did not see everything. It was a wonderful kid's candy land of science.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2011-07-10T07:57:00.000-04:00

I am

2011-07-08T09:40:00.001-04:00

I am Melissa- giver of life, doer of chores, and wiper of buttes.

Sweet Potato Cake

2011-07-03T08:19:00.000-04:00

I wanted to make a chocolate chip pumpkin cake Duff style, but the store does not carry canned pumpkin in the summer. However, they do have fresh sweet potatoes. I microwaved two large sweet potatoes until they were soft, about seven minutes. Then I scoped out the fleshed, mashed with a fork, and then added them to the recipe below. They results were awesome, and it made an almost healthy cake even healthier.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cake Recipe
Source

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 55 minutes

Ingredients:

1 yellow cake mix
15 oz. can pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
1/2 cup apple butter
1/4 cup canola oil
2 large eggs
1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 cup dark chocolate chips
powdered sugar for dusting
Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a bundt pan with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine the first eight ingredients (through vanilla extract) in a large bowl or the work bowl of an electric mixer. Using a handheld electric mixer or stand mixer, beat on medium until ingredients are well-combined.

Stir in chocolate chips.

Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 35-45 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Let cool 15 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar.

Fourth of July off to a good start

2011-07-02T18:11:00.000-04:00

Beach Day

2011-06-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

Sprinkler Time

2011-06-19T15:23:00.000-04:00

Practice Makes Cakes Less Hideous

2011-06-19T15:20:00.000-04:00

Farmer's Market Day

2011-06-15T15:55:00.000-04:00

Family Date Night

2011-06-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

More Fun with Leme Cam

2011-06-04T22:19:00.000-04:00

Home Sick

2011-05-28T18:07:00.000-04:00

I am home sick on this beautiful Saturday. My wonderful mother-in-law stole the boy for the night, and I am doing some digital scrapbooking. Prepare for a shower of photos. These photos above were taking with my iPhone on a little, free app called Leme Cam. It has tons of photo effects. You can make harmless little pics like these or stuff that looks like it is straight out of a crime scene.

Coupon Happy

2011-05-28T13:24:00.000-04:00

$13 order at Shutterfly free with coupons. Mother raised me well.

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

English Teacher Unleashed

2011-05-26T08:36:00.000-04:00

This week I have turned my useful English degree away from grading papers and on to something new. I published my first book review. Check out my scholarly thoughts on A Jane Austin Education.

Grandpas Brain Cake

2011-05-15T07:53:00.000-04:00

In honor of my grandfather's completion of brain surgery and radiation, I created a nice healthy brain cake.

Brady's First Report Card

2011-05-07T08:45:00.000-04:00

Hobbies-They aren't for wimps

2011-04-30T14:18:00.000-04:00

I approach all my hobbies with reckless abandon: gardening, cooking, writing, yoga, baking, child rearing. However, I am often sorely disappointed when the results do not look like the picture. My heart goes pitter-patter upon entering a craft store. My brain churns with possibilities. The actual results end up lopsided, and I feel silly for spending money and time on something so crooked and useless.

I think the part I am overlooking is the process. I have fun making these silly little pieces of crap, and as I take on more responsibilities in my life- fun moves further and away. My blog is spelled wrong, my cakes are crumbly, and my downward dog is never centered, but my smile is bright, shinny, and complete, and I think that is the result that matters.

You are so werid

2011-04-21T15:11:00.002-04:00

"You are so weird Mrs. Warren. This test is weird. No one else makes us do projects on the computer, and it is impossible to fail your class. Every time I miss something you have something else for me to do instead. You are so weird."

Thank you Brittany. I will take that as a compliment.

Cake Two

2011-04-15T08:38:00.002-04:00

Mantra of the day

2011-04-15T08:35:00.001-04:00

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~Dr. Seuss

Cake Decorating Class

2011-04-10T11:34:00.000-04:00

I took my first cake decorating class Thursday. I just finished my three hour homework assignment. After spending one hundred dollars on tools and instructions, I now know why my cakes looked like ass for years. Now my cakes look good, but my kitchen still looks like ass. Did I mention I did this assignment in conjunction with a four-year-old.

From Apr 10, 2011

TIme

2011-04-04T22:52:00.000-04:00

Time of my life

2011-04-04T22:50:00.000-04:00

Time of My Life
I cannot believe I haven't posted in a month. I finally caved and bought a pretty new iPhone, so I really have no excuse. Things have been chugging along swimingly. Everyone is finally healthy after a long winter of colds. I think Brady went to the doctor five times in the last month. Wes and I are in great shape, but working like fiends as usual. This post is incredible bland, and I am so pleased to be so very dull. It is lovely and rare to be happy and have nothing to rant about. We had an awesome family dinner, wrestled, and watched innapporiate secens from Jack Ass. I was voted teacher of the year and on Thursday I am fulfilling my life long dream of taking a cake decorating class. I am most likely going to get hit by a bus tommorrow for unabashedly rolling around in joy, but after all those miserable post from last year, it sure feels nice to smile and breath.

Time of My Life

2011-04-04T22:26:00.001-04:00

Pictorial Update

2011-04-04T21:16:00.000-04:00

Brady Art

Date Night

His Cuteness

Teacher of the Year Essay (there were nine, but here is a sample)

2011-04-04T20:25:00.000-04:00

Education is the quest for identity. We are all ultimately the composition of our ideas and beliefs. If we as a society want to solve social problems, curb global warming, and work toward peace, we need citizens who know who they are, what they stand for, and how to create change. My job as an educator is to empower students to find their voice as an individual, so that they can become part of society and improve it. Years ago, Libyan leader Col. Muammar al-Qaddafi modified the textbooks of school children in an attempt to control his people. Dictators often attempt to repress the will of the people by restricting their education. In contrast, the free flow of information with the guidance of a good teacher can harness the energy of the people to change society for the better. It is thus in this space of self awareness and social change that I define myself as an educator.

The ideas of identity formation and social change are lofty and abstract, but I know from personal experience that they are the necessities of education. I started life as the child of an impoverished sixteen-year-old. I was severely dyslexic, neglected, and scared. It was through public education that I found my voice and learned to break the cycle of poverty I was born into. I have transferred this lesson into my own practice. I watch students become heroes of their own stories each day. Every semester I ask my students to write a short, narrative snap shot of their lives, to capture just one moment that has defined them. Students read these stories to the class and then we publish the narratives online and in a bound book. I have collected six volumes of students’ stories. Students have shared stories of victory, travel, injury, cancer, rape, death, divorce, and every other imaginable human experience. These stories are raw, bold, and honest. Some are incredibly uplifting and some are sickeningly gut-wrenching; all are real. The part I love most is the end of the essay when the student tells how this moment will inform the rest of his or her life. This year a student wrote, “I need to be better than them. I need to prove everyone that thinks, ‘He’ll be just like them’ wrong. I can get an education, something my dad never had… I can chose to make the right decisions…I will be nothing like them, I am me.” Sharing, reflecting, and connecting allow students to see themselves clearly and with pride; it helps them feel and care about those around them. The guidance of a good teacher helps students find their humanity and establish their identity. Education matters because it saved my life, and it will save the lives my students; it is the division between chaos and love.

Pay teachers

2011-03-03T19:22:00.000-05:00

If the thought of being alone with thirty fourteen-year-olds makes you shiver then tell your state legislator to keep paying teachers. Not only can we be in the same room with them; we can teach them art, music, poetry, and math with a smile on our faces.

Costa Rica

2011-02-07T07:29:00.002-05:00

I want to go to Costa Rica and do yoga on a mountain top and see a monkey. Then I want to go inside because monkeys are scary.

Smart

2011-02-04T08:39:00.001-05:00

Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. Lonliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best thing you can do it know yourself... know what you want."
— Janet Fitch

My New Year Resolutions

2011-01-31T13:34:00.001-05:00

My New Year Resolutions

Stop feeling sorry for myself

Enjoy my life. Something bad could happen, but it hasn’t, and worrying about it only makes me miserable.

Surround myself with people who like me for who I am not what I can do for them.

Forgiveness means just that, you forgive. It is not asking someone to grovel at your feet until you are sick of seeing him on his knees.

Got Mantra

2011-01-26T08:44:00.002-05:00

A very clever teacher at my school does a project each semester called “Got Mantra?” She asks students to choose some words to live by, and then she has them turn it into a pretty poster. Some of the quotes are silly, some of them are heart breaking, and all of them are real. My favorite from last semester was, “I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.” I think the quote was by Kurt Coban. The quotes really give you a peek inside the students’ heads. The same teacher asks the staff to participate too. Today I chose, “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected,” from Steve Jobs. This quote has geek-teacher written all over it, but I do try to live this way. I think another way to put this idea is leave a campsite in better shape than you found it.

I grew up in an environment where not only was excellence not expected, it really wasn’t possible, yet I watch my mother accomplish amazing feats. My marriage last year was not a place where excellence was expected or even likely, and I kept my head up each day and pulled my family together. I go to work each day, and I teach my ass off, even though I know other teachers are printing worksheets and showing movies. I don’t want to be measured. I want to be what others measure themselves by.

I got everything I ever wanted

2011-01-19T18:53:00.002-05:00

I got everything I ever wanted, and all of it came crashing down on my head.

Ice Cream

2011-01-07T12:49:00.000-05:00

A guy friend of mine expressed concern for his girlfriend who is having a medical procedure at her gyno's office today. I suggested that he buy her some ice cream to cheer her up. He asked, "Is it safe to put ice cream down there?" Really puts a new spin on comfort food don't you think?

When I dream

2011-01-04T07:44:00.000-05:00

When I am happy, I dream of dolphins leaping in the ocean. Last night I dreamed of mangled dolphins trapped in a swimming pool full of dead house cats.

christmas card

2010-11-24T18:19:00.001-05:00

Picture Joy Christmas

Make a statement with Shutterfly Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Brady's Thanksgiving Program

2010-11-22T20:32:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday

2010-11-20T20:10:00.003-05:00

Birthday Breakfast

2010-11-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Brady Turns Four!

2010-11-20T20:06:00.000-05:00

Absence of Drama equal Absence of Posts

2010-10-20T18:05:00.001-04:00

Well it appears that comfort and tranquility are not creativity's friend. Or perhaps I haven't posted because I just pulled off the most elaborate preschool Halloween party in history. Some girls and I from my neighborhood hosted a twenty-five people for a Halloween party complete with carnival booths and a pony. That project consumed about three weeks of my life and huge sum of money. Grown up are so much easier, booze and chips and you are done. Here are some of the highlights from the party, and check out my Knight barefoot on a horse.

Tiny Prints

2010-09-30T18:27:00.000-04:00

I am a sucker for a pretty invitation, but they are expensive. Many sites charge a first born for a set of twenty-five. However, I have not thrown a party in a long time, and I am overly excited about the preschool Halloween party I am throwing. I splurged and bought nice invites. I found a good price at a cute site called Tiny Prints. I ordered the cards yesterday, and this afternoon I got a call from the Tiny Prints people altering me to a tiny mistake in my invitation. Thank you Tiny Print people because I make lots of mistakes, and if you are going to look out for me, I am going to order from you. You are my new best friend.

Dear Five Pounds

2010-09-20T20:37:00.000-04:00

Dear Five Pounds,

Although gaining and loosing you every year since my 18th birthday has reaped havoc on my self-image, I would like to thank you for always reminding me to eat health and workout. Without your constant attention, I would have long ago abandoned my healthy ways. You a reminder that running and vegetables are the key to my survival. However, I have a closet full of pants I cannot currently button. Could you please leave before it is too cold to wear a skirt to work?

itchy

2010-09-10T19:46:00.001-04:00

Now that I am no longer in survival mode, I find myself thinking the most irritating thoughts, "What do I really want out of life? Maybe I was meant to be more than mediocre and comfortable."

Options

Pay attention to thoughts

bake more brownies

SAT Vocab

2010-09-05T09:44:00.000-04:00

Brady just told me I look dapper, posh, and exquisite. I am still in my pjs, shaping up to be a good day. Wow, I hope he doesn't do too many drugs in college. The kid has a pretty sweet vocabulary.

Brady Art

2010-08-29T07:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Parenting Gods

2010-08-28T19:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Parenting Gods,
Will I ever be able to eat my dinner while my food is still hot? Furthermore, is it possible that no one will ask me to wipe their ass during dessert? What is up with the mid-dinner dump?

Respectfully yours,
Brady's Mom

What meal?

2010-08-19T11:17:00.000-04:00

Brady went with his dad for breakfast at McDonald's. Much to his dismay, he learned that Happy Meals are not sold in the morning. He reported, "Mommy, they did not have Happy Meals, Sad Meals, or even Frustrated Meals."

Summer Closes

2010-08-16T10:25:00.000-04:00

Summer ends this week, and the idea of shipping Brady off to school each day makes me sick. I know we will both have fun in our respective fall placements, but the days of doing whatever we want have been too amazing to let go. Especially since this summer it was just the two of us, and we went where ever the wind blew. I look at the paining above and its happy colors, and I can't help thinking that this is the best time of my life. Brady makes everything more real and alive.

Sweetheart, Mommy is paying her to like you

2010-08-08T09:32:00.001-04:00

We had our first real babysitter yesterday, a cute little eighteen-year-old girl from my high school. She was very good with Brady. He reported, "Mommy she was nice all day. She didn't get grumpy not even a tiny bit. Not even when I drew a map on the couch with a pen." I didn't have the heart to tell him that for sixty dollars anyone can buy love for a short while.

Quote of the day

2010-08-01T16:46:00.000-04:00

"Mommy, my poop is done downloading."

From the mouth of babes

2010-08-01T08:52:00.002-04:00

Brady crawled into my lap this morning and said, "Mommy, the world needs you." Which is a nice thing to hear when you are teaching an online grammar lesson because I wasn't really feeling my place in the universe. The boy specializes in perspective.

gaga

2010-07-29T10:23:00.000-04:00

Slow Death Through Indecision

2010-07-28T07:57:00.000-04:00

The slow demise of my marriage has centered on one issue, my husband's ambivalence. He unsure about his life with me, and he is unsure about starting his own life. He is sure about one thing-he doesn't want me to move on until he decides, and so far that ambivalence has take one year of my life.

He wields the weapon of my love and patience like a seasoned swordsmen. I am left bleeding and defenseless but alive. Alive enough to do it again day after painful day.

I always shook my head at the Greek myth of Prometheus getting his innards painfully eaten each day, but now that I am Prometheus I have some empathy. After all, he could not unshackle himself. However, unlike Prometheus I can unshackle myself. I may have to chew off my own arm to do it, but it is possible. More importantly, unlike Prometheus I am mortal, and if I do not unchain myself soon, I will die.

New Fav Book

2010-07-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

Brady walks around speaking Cajun now! I about peed my pants listening to Wes read it.

Next Baking Project?

2010-07-18T06:34:00.000-04:00

I am sure mine will look mentally challenged.

Art Project

2010-07-18T06:32:00.000-04:00

I used picasa to make this collage and then paid five dollars to print it poster size at Walmart. Who needs a photographer? Brady took the pic of Wes and I on the poster. It was a family effort.

Putting an end to playdates

2010-07-18T06:30:00.000-04:00

Brady says butt and poo 300 times per second. No punishment works to stop him. The other moms don't want to play with us because their kids start saying it. Brady has highhandedly wiped out all playdates and birthday parties for the next year. We are now social poopie lepers.

Manual

2010-07-17T13:51:00.002-04:00

For three days in a row, Brady has insisted that I read him the manual to the water heater. The whole manual.

mmmm

2010-07-10T20:39:00.001-04:00

try lemon basil ice cream

Argg!!

2010-07-10T10:04:00.002-04:00

Reflection

2010-07-08T13:02:00.001-04:00

Some times in life you have to stop and think, "how long was my nipple
out of my bathing suit before I noticed? Did anyone else see it? If
so, how many people?"

Great Beach Day. Great 4th!!

2010-07-06T12:57:00.000-04:00

What is the nicest message your calandar can send you?

2010-07-06T06:48:00.002-04:00

"you have no events scheduled today Tue Jul 6, 2010"

Guess it is off to the beach then.

Here's a thought

2010-07-02T07:16:00.000-04:00

Turns out letting things go works much, much better than over thinking and controlling things.

Oh bother

2010-06-27T17:53:00.001-04:00

Found myself in an extremely awkward social situation this weekend. I was polite and conscience of everyone's feelings. Being polite and conscience of everyone's feeling is so foreign to me it was like having an out of body experience. Also is much less messy than my normal horribly rude behavior yet very dull. Must weigh options.

Bridget Jones

2010-06-26T07:27:00.000-04:00

I am reading Bridget's Jone's Diary because it is summer, and I can. At the top of each entry, she writes how miserable she is failing at dieting. In respect to her fictional honesty, I bought two dresses and a t-shirt online last night because I wanted to look good over Fourth of July. I spend $50, and I don't even know if the dresses will fit. Furthermore, trying to look good on the 4th is stupid because it is over 100 degrees and Brady will get something all over me. Alas, a girl has to try.

Cooperation

2010-06-25T20:23:00.000-04:00

Our extended playdate went very well today. I have to say I was impressed with the team work.

Goals for the month

2010-06-23T07:09:00.000-04:00

Loose five pounds
Shave $300 from my budget

I need some ice cream and pedi... the stress.

Heads or Tails

2010-06-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

Brady marks time by schedules. Now that it is summer, and there is no preschool and no sitters, Brady keeps asking, "Mom is it the same day?" He can't tell the days apart without those landmarks. Poor thing is totally confused and keeps waiting for me to leave.

The real need

2010-06-19T06:58:00.000-04:00

The difference

I am really great at making sure all of Brady's physical needs are met: healthy meals, scheduled sleep, fun activities, and a clean an organized environment are my speciality. What I don't do so well is meet his real needs. His emotional needs-his play with me needs. I am so busy meeting all the other expectations the most important need, love, gets lost in the shuffle. Today I am going to meet his real needs.

Watermelon Cake Recipe - Womansday.com

2010-06-12T22:48:00.000-04:00

Watermelon Cake Recipe - Womansday.com

I did this with an angry 3 year old

2010-06-11T20:35:00.000-04:00

1 box of betty crocker butter pecan cake mix
4 eggs
2/3 cup vegetable oil
1 cup milk
1 can of betty crocker butter pecan icing ( or 1 can
of any brand pecan and coconut frosting )
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1 can vanilla frosting
throughly mix ﬁrst 4 ingredients...add butter pecan
frosting...blend well-
grease and ﬂour a tube pan or bundt pan...sprinkle
1/2 cup medium chopped walnuts or pecans in bottom of
pan ﬁrst...then add the batter...
bake at 325 degrees for 60 to 65 minutes...let cool in
pan for 10 minutes..then remove...remove lid from 1
can of vanilla frosting and microwave for 30
seconds...drizzle over cooled cake...ENJOY!!!

Two Best Friends

2010-06-05T08:00:00.001-04:00

I have two best friends at school. They are both English teachers and our rooms are side by side. I would have literally died this year without them. They glued me back together each morning, repairing the terrible damage of my failing marriage. They made me smile, and they shared their secrets. I haven't had real girl friends like this since I was 12. It was nice to get back in the business of friendship. We even planned a day where we wore the same clothes to work. It was very preteen and silly and oddly comforting. As wonderful as this year has been, they are both moving on to other things -fabulous things. Things that make me very proud of them. They came into my life just when I needed them most, and although they are not exiting, we will not have that minute by minute interaction anymore. They will be missed, but I am grateful that they gently sewed me back together before they left.

Last week because we are teachers and therefore geeks, they charted their lives on the board. Using a graphic organizer, they plotted all the choices they expect to make this year. Doctorate degrees, families, new courses, and many other life altering things. I had no chart to make. No changes. No goals, and this made me sad. Each year of my adult life I have set out to conquer new territory. However, I find myself in a lull, and I am still in the corner licking my wounds. Until it occurred to me maybe mine should not be a tangible goal. Mine is not a goal that needs certificates or accolades. Maybe my goal should be a new life. Maybe I should stop doing and start thinking. I have spent my whole life following the rules and doing as I am told, and well, it did not work out. I read this short essay by Gloria Steinem and as much as I hate this term, perhaps I lack balance:

"I had the feeling of coming home, of awakening from an inauthentic life. It wasn't as if I thought my self-authority was more important than external authority, but it wasn't less important either. We are both communal and uniquely ourselves, not either-or."

Source

Well, it does not fit into a graphic organizer, but worth a shot I think.

Calm

2010-06-03T07:37:00.001-04:00

Knowing that there is another fight around the corner, does not spoil that fact that things are nice now. I know in a few months he will have a girlfriend, but now is swell.

Humble

2010-05-24T18:03:00.001-04:00

Sometimes in life there are people who are just more convenient to hate than love. In fact, it is expected. You have to go out of your way to explain why you don't hate the person. People become concerned for your mental health when you don't hate them. For example, I don't hate the man that left me after eleven years. He left me with a three-year-old, a broken heart, and a big fat mortgage. However, I just don't hate him. I am rather happy when he comes around. Ok, sometimes I would like to bash his head into is midlife crisis BMW, but most of the time I am happy to see him.

Today I came home to a happy kid, a clean house, and fresh cookies. To top things off, he had started potty training our son. These are good things, and break-up or not I chose to celebrate them, and by celebrating them, I hope there are more moments like these. There will be many more fights, but days like today are good days.

Another Big Toy Day Another Hit!

2010-05-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

bumble tub street

2010-05-23T09:25:00.001-04:00

Some kids have an imaginary friend. My kid as an imaginary suburban life. Long interview, but check out the end to see how he ends the interview. Totally worth the time

Survived

2010-05-19T20:38:00.000-04:00

I survived my first wedding anniversary with no husband. Fondue restaurant with the girls vs. crying in the kitchen durning Blues Clues. I think the wine and cheese was a good choice.

Slow Recovery

2010-05-16T12:33:00.003-04:00

Brady and I went to the aquarium, but lots of happy famlies still make me sad. We may have to stick to brothles and bars from now on.

He may not be potty trained but the boy has skills

2010-05-15T14:06:00.000-04:00

Yes people that is my fridge and it sparkles now.

Grocery Store

2010-05-10T18:41:00.000-04:00

Just returned from the grocery store. I saw several people my husband works with. I got to enjoy two looks-the standard pity face, and my new favorite, "I wonder why he left her? What's wrong with her?" look. The second look is a cross between something smells bad and something tastes sour.

I need to move to another planet.

I am just...

2010-05-10T07:31:00.001-04:00

a bird throwing herself against a window over and over again.

Happy Mother's Day to Us

2010-05-09T21:34:00.000-04:00

My mom and I celebrated Mother's Day together. We started it off with a big breakfast, and then partied at the park. It was on the of the best days I have ever had. Her house in Myrtle Beach is bliss. Wes even made an appearance with flowers and wine. While he doesn't want to be married to me, he announced that I was the only person he would want to have a kid with. It was a great day, and I love being far, far away from my chores. We love you Nana thanks for the fun.

Teacher Appreciation

2010-05-06T14:34:00.000-04:00

When I was having a bad day yesterday, one of my very quiet students handed me a card that said:

Mrs. Warren,
You are an amazing teacher. From day one you've been by my side. You never let me give up, and you've pushed me to do my best. I love your enthusiasm and sarcasm. Your sense of humor is off the wall incredible, and your personality is just simply beyond amazing. I love you for teaching me the things you have and for being my friend along the way. You may not be a spelling expert or a grammar freak, but you are the best English teacher ever.
I love you Mrs. Warren
Nicole

Love you too Nicole and thanks for picking me up off the floor when I needed it.

Two Weeks

2010-05-05T18:51:00.000-04:00

So far I can make it two to three weeks without a total crying melt down. Unfortunately, last night was crying night. I wish there was a schedule of these events so I can plan my life around them. Working with your eyes swollen shut from crying is not that sexy.

Making Friends with Your Bed

2010-05-04T13:59:00.002-04:00

After cheerfully returning my son to his new bed about a dozen time last night, he slept through the night alone in his big boy bed!

Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year.

2010-05-03T14:36:00.001-04:00

I'm writing a song all about you.

A true song as real as my tears.

But you've no need to fear it

Cause no one will hear it.

Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year.

(unless the neighbors keep reading my blog and then telling you about it. Then you might need to worry, but I sure the dark amusement will wear off soon and no one will be interested in our little drama anymore.)

Some days

2010-05-03T14:06:00.000-04:00

Some days I am great at embracing my independence, and some days I am just not. I miss having a partner. I miss hugs and laughter, and I miss parenting as a team. I miss my friend. This ambiguous, “we aren’t married because I don’t feel up to,” isn’t enough for me. I want a concrete list of wrongs. I, however, have a concrete list of wrongs, and I am still floundering today. I miss my life.