Fat Gold Watch

Saturday, July 04, 2009

I may not have to be institutionalized after all

I was curious why teenaged girls would read a seven hundred page book. I mean there are so many other things fourteen-year-old girls can do with their time. They do all these things in my English class: texting, combing their hair, talking, more texting, and applying make-up. Who has time to read? Then I heard a review of the Twilight Series on NPR by a man, and I was intrigued. Plus I have read no less then twenty book reports on the topic.

I did not think I would make it through the first book. I only made it through 200 pages of Harry Potter. One week and four novels later, I found myself watching the movie, reading the 1/2 draft of the fifth book, and then rereading and re-watching. Did I mention all that time I spent fantasizing about Edward?

Today as I was rereading the third book and hating myself, I thought, "What is wrong with me?" In fact, I have thought that about a hundred times a day lately. The books are ok, certainly not the best thing I have every read, but certainly the quickest. The movie is a little cheesy if we are being honest, and I have a stack of new books to read. What the fuck is my problem?Am I turing into some gross house wife that longs after young men?

However, as I was making a meat loaf for dinner, I figured it out. I am no longer the center of attention. I am third or fourth on my husband's to do list, and despite my best efforts he gets pushed down my list. Edward and Bella are always at the top of each others list. Jesus Christ, he watches her sleep. As pathetic and juvenile as the desire is, I miss being first. First is not an option for a mommy, but sometimes I crave it. I want to sit in my husbands arms until two in the morning and talk about nothing, or not talk at all. I don't actually want to fuck and underaged vampire; I just want to be want to be the focus. I am very relieved that I don't want to fuck a vampire. I was seriously questioning my sanity. My desire to be first on the list though might be harder to achieve than fornicating with a supernatural, mythical creature.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009